Perks of Being a Sorcerer
by litvirg
Summary: "Dear Friend, I am writing to you because my mom told me that she thinks it would help me to be able to talk to somebody else. Someone like me. I'm getting nervous about school tomorrow. I think that's normal though. Love always, Merlin" Or Merlin is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because my mom told me that she thinks it would help me to be able to talk to somebody else. Someone like me. I'm not sure I'm ready to meet face to face though, so I hope that you don't mind that she gave me your address, because she said that at least if I write you letters it will be like me talking to someone. You don't need to write back though. I'm okay just talking to you.

The only other person I've ever known who was like me was my friend Freya. She moved to Ealdor three years ago, when we were twelve. She had run away from home. Ealdor was a really small town. That's what everybody told me anyway, I've never been anywhere else so I don't really know the difference. But she came because at home all she had was her dad. And he was not the type of person you would want to be alone with, from what she told me. And nobody has ever heard of Ealdor.

Freya could change form. He was afraid of that, she told me. He'd hit her, or lock her away. He didn't want her to do…something. I don't know what it was he was afraid of, because Freya was the nicest person I've ever known. She ran away to Ealdor and lived with me and my mom for a year and a half.

Last school year- about a year and a half ago- Freya wasn't in her room when I went to wake her for school. I spent all morning looking, but she wasn't in the house. I was late to school that day. Around lunchtime I was called down to the guidance counselor's office to talk to one of the ladies there. They said Freya had been found in an alley outside the pharmacy, with an empty pill bottle in her hand.

I lost control of it after that. I broke windows in every room I went into just by looking at them. In her old room I broke the door and her bookshelf crumbled from the first breath I took. My eyes latched onto the bed and it was consumed in fire. I stood in there for an hour before my mother got home and saw the flames and tumbling objects.

It didn't get a lot better after that, so when the school year ended my mother got transferred from her Ealdor clinic position to one in a nearby city, Camelot, and two months ago we moved. I think she's worried now because we've been here two months and I still haven't made any friends. It's not really that easy to just move to a new place and meet people though, so I don't think it's that bad.

I start school tomorrow. I'm going to be a sophomore this year. I don't know much about Camelot, or the people who live here but I don't think there's anyone like me here. Mom says I shouldn't be ashamed of what I am, but that maybe I should keep it between us for now.

Anyway, I'm getting nervous about school tomorrow. I think that's normal though.

Love always,

Merlin


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Friend,

This school is nothing like my old high school.

In Ealdor, everybody knew everybody. Most were friends. Even if you weren't, you were nice. Here everybody seems to know just a few people and then they ignore the rest. Unless you're one of the big, mean guys. Then you don't ignore anybody, but you just glare at anyone you pass.

I didn't know that you were supposed to ignore this.

A big guy, Val I think is his name, pushed right past me, knocking all of my books out of my hand. He didn't even apologize. And then he stepped on my newest book and I just couldn't help it.

"Wanker," I muttered.

This made him turn around fast than I ever though a person of his size could. "What'd you say to me?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. Then I tried to walk away.

I say I tried because he wouldn't let me. He grabbed me by the collar and slammed me against the lockers.

"Listen here, you fucking poof," he said. "I'd watch your mouth if I were you or else someday it's going to land you in quite a predicament."

"At least I can spell predicament."

That was probably not the smartest thing for me to say, because then suddenly he dropped me onto the floor and was punching me. But then I looked at his feet that were about to kick me, and he missed, slipping and slamming his head onto the ground and it must have knocked him out because he didn't wake up until a couple of minutes later.

I still haven't made any friends.

Love always,

Merlin


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Friend,

I've gotten very good at hiding myself between my other classmates whenever Val comes along. He hasn't done anything since that first day, but I have a feeling he would, given the opportunity.

My classes are very easy. In Ealdor, I was a year ahead of everybody in my grade. The administrator here thought that was because it was just a little country school, and that making the transition into a city would be too hard if I forced myself into higher level classes too. I don't know what he thinks happens in sophomore level classes, but it's not much.

My philosophy teacher is great though. He told me to call him Gaius and sometimes I go to his room instead of the cafeteria, since I would just be sitting alone anyway. He gave me one of his old books to read if I had anytime outside of class. I found a bit of old magic written on the cover sleeve, and at first I was afraid to ask him about it, since mom wanted me to keep it quiet while I was still "acclimating" to my new life here, but I hadn't met anybody like me yet, and I couldn't help but ask him.

"Magic is nothing to be afraid of, Merlin," he told me. "More people would be open to it, if you gave them the chance."

So that is why he now gives me different magic theory books for me to read as homework, once the rest of the class leaves. It's not too bad though, because his class was the only one I had to work in anyway, so now at least I'm learning two subjects.

I still haven't made any friends. A girl named Gwen told me that she thought it was really brave of me not to run away from Val the other day, but I haven't seen her since, and I think she must be a senior.

I know Mum's getting worried. But it's only been two weeks.

At least I'm finally learning about my magic. I'm not as afraid of it, like I have been since Freya died.

Love always,

Merlin


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Friend,

The class other than Gaius's lessons that I like is my Creative Prose class, though we've done very little writing in it. Mostly right now we are reading short plays and poetry by men I have never heard of.

But there is this girl in my class, Morgana, and she is the most opinionated person I have ever seen. It's amazing to watch her because once she starts talking it seems as if she's only just realizing how passionately she feels about something, and then there is no stopping her.

I think she might even talk more than our teacher does.

The point is that we have only read plays and poems by old, white, Anglo-Saxon, rich guys and Morgana got all up in arms about the underrepresentation present in our curriculum, saying how we aren't actually learning about the most culturally significant poets, because history is always told from the oppressor's side.

My teacher told her that she either needed to sit down and not talk for a whole class, or she would be given extra assignments every day for the rest of the week.

Well, she didn't stay quiet, but I don't think Mr. Jenson's punishment worked out as planned.

The first night she had to write an extra poem. The second night, he made her write a soliloquy on top of all the readings. On Friday he told her that over the weekend, she had to write a short play, and that on Monday she would do a public reading of all three, and then there would be a class critique of them.

I have never seen a teacher's face turn so red during a presentation.

Morgana said they were all part of her themed series, about the tribulations of the upper class. She wrote each one from the perspective of a rich, white man who felt burdened by the "social pressures" he was under. In her play, the main character even stole artwork from a poor Hispanic woman and sold it as his own.

Mr. Jenson started bringing works written by women to class, which really only made Morgana surer of herself. Now she talks even more, which nobody thought was possible. He even started opening class by describing the day's topic and asking her if she had anything she wanted to say before we began reading.

I think she is what my mother would call a "social justice advocate."

My work with Gaius is going really well. Maybe I can send you some things from his books.

Love always,

Merlin


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Friend,

Gaius wants me to start meeting him after school for what he calls "practical labs." I told him I hadn't any interest in science really, but he explained that he wants to do magic labs. He thinks theory is too basic and that if I ever want to learn to control it, I need to practice.

I know that he's right, but I don't like doing magic, not after Freya.

I got a letter from Will today. I haven't told you about Will. He was from Ealdor, he went off to college last year. He was my only other friend besides Freya in Ealdor.

Anyway, he says he's doing well and that he hopes he can take a trip up here to Camelot when he's on break from school. There's not much to do in Ealdor, he said. I don't think there's much to do here either. Well at least not anything fun. Giaus gave me extra magic books to read before our practical labs start, and mom isn't home much since her hours at work have gone up, so I've been doing a lot of chores around here.

I don't mind helping her though, especially since I have nothing else to do.

I might go to a football game on Friday, it's the school's first game. Mom and Gaius both said it might be nice if I "put myself out there."

Love always,

Merlin


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Friend,

I did go to the football game last night. It was more fun than I thought it would be to watch a bunch of the jerks from my school run down a field and then fall into a pile.

Morgana recognized me while I was buying myself some nachos.

"You're in my English class, aren't you?" she said to me.

Morgana has a slightly sinister voice though, so it's hard to tell when she's asking you something and when she's accusing you of something.

When I nodded, she took one of my nachos and looped her arm through mine, leading me to where she was sitting, right up front.

"You like to be this close to the game?" I asked her. It seemed a little chaotic. I probably would have sat somewhere in the back.

"Love to," she answered. I noticed that she spent more time watching the cheerleaders than the football, but I didn't ask, because I figured I didn't know her well enough.

Once you get over how angry she sounds most of the time, Morgana is actually really nice. She asked me why I moved to Camelot, and then I told her about Ealdor and how small it was, and that fascinated her so she asked me to tell her more. She had coke coming out of her nose by the time I finished telling her about the pranks me and Will used to pull when we were just kids, especially on our crotchety neighbor, Mr. Jenkins.

"I like you, Merlin," she said when the game finished.

I didn't really know how to answer that, but then her brother came over so I didn't have to.

Her brother's name is Arthur. He's on the team and he came over really sweaty and the first thing he did was squeeze Morgana in a giant hug, which she squealed at, because he really did stink.

They went to leave, but then Morgana looked back at me and asked, "Need a ride, Merlin?"

And when they dropped me off, Morgana promised to make plans with me for some time next week, and Arthur tossed me the CD that was playing in his car, because I said I liked it.

"Take it for a bit," he said. "It'll be good for me to have a break from it."

Love always,

Merlin


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Friend,

I have listened to the CD ten times now. I think maybe I should stop but I can't. I put it on when I'm bored and have nothing to do, and I put it on when I have chores to do. It fits with everything. Plus I think I need to listen to it as much as possible before Arthur asks for it back.

I told Giaus that I made a couple of friends, and he seemed really happy that Morgana was one of them. I asked him why, and he said it was something she should tell me for herself.

I'm guessing that means she has magic too. Giaus isn't exactly subtle, no matter how hard he tries to be.

Anyway, I met Morgana and Arthur for coffee today after school, because I didn't have my practical lab today, and I think I'm going to a party at their house on Saturday. Morgana said she's excited for their other friends to meet me. I'm excited to meet them too, I was starting to think she and Arthur only hung out with each other.

I've got Arthur's hoodie now too, since I spilled coffee all over mine. I could've just magicked it off—I learned cleaning spells this week with Giaus, but I kind of wanted to wear his sweatshirt, and since he doesn't know about the magic yet, I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. Only now, I've started wearing the hoodie every time I play the CD, and I'm sure he's going to ask for them both back soon, so I don't want to get too used to them.

I'm just going to play it one more time.

Love always,

Merlin


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Friend,

Arthur has not asked for his CD or his hoodie back yet.

I've started hanging around him and Morgana a lot more, but she has started getting a lot busier after school. She's dating one of the cheerleaders, Morgause. Morgause is who Morgana would be if she lost all sense of compassion. She is scary and beautiful and has a problem with everything. Morgana says they fire each other up.

Arthur told me that they've been dating for two years, but that they have to keep it a secret. His dad, Uther is very conservative, and Arthur doesn't know what he'd do if he found out.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that kind of explains how he acts around me. I catch him staring a lot. I don't mind, it's just whenever he sees me noticing it, he blushes and turns away. I wish he wouldn't.

I've never met Uther, but from what I've heard he sounds terrifying. I'm happy that they'll be graduating in a few months, and Arthur and Morgana can finally go somewhere else where they aren't afraid anymore.

Maybe it's selfish, but I also wish they weren't. When they leave, I'll be back to having no friends.

I tried to ask Arthur if he was excited about that, graduating and moving away, but he got silent and mad and stormed away from me. Morgana said I shouldn't take it personally, Arthur has trouble talking to people that aren't her about their dad. She says that he loves him, but there will always be things he hates about him. She said he doesn't think people would understand that without living with him. I think I would if he talked to me about it.

Arthur asked me if I could tutor him, because he's not doing so well in his science courses. It's probably going to be hard to fit it in with my chores at home and my lessons with Giaus, but I said that I would. We start tomorrow, and Arthur looked so happy that I agreed, that I don't mind that it'll mean I don't have a lot of free time.

I'd probably be spending free time with Arthur anyway, so what does it matter?

Love always,

Merlin


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Friend,

Arthur is really bad at chemistry.

Really, he understands almost none of it. I've even had to go to the Chemistry teacher and get extra practice packets from him, because between lessons with Giaus, my chores at home, my own school work, and coming up with tutoring plans for Arthur, I haven't actually had time to make him any. And he really, really needs them.

I can tell he tries not to show how much it bothers him that he doesn't understand. Whenever I correct him he always goes a bit pale, and then tries to brush it off with a joke.

He has gotten a bit better though. We had a quiz today, and the teacher asked Arthur to stay after school so that they could grade it together in order for Arthur to see any mistakes he might have made. I waited up for him in the parking lot, and he had a huge grin as soon as he saw me.

"Merls! You're the best!" he called as he came up to me, waving his quiz in the air.

I had to snatch it away from him, but right at the top was a big, red C.

Arthur had suddenly looked embarrassed, his neck turned a bit red and he was rubbing the back of it.

"I know a C isn't the best grade, but really if it weren't for you I'd still be getting Fs on everything so…"

"Arthur! This is great!" I told him and then slapped him on the shoulder like I had seen him to with his teammates when they made a good play. Then he pulled me in for a hug and laughed at how startled I was.

He looked down at me before he pulled away and bit his lip as he smiled.

"Come on," he said to me. "Let's get some ice cream to celebrate. My treat."

I'm going to have to have left over mac and cheese for dinner again, since I was out too late to pick up anything to cook, and Mom is working late, but really that's okay with me.

Love always,

Merlin


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Friend,

Morgana brought me along with her and Arthur to a party at their friend Gwaine's house. Gwaine is on the football team with Arthur, and has known them practically their whole lives.

Morgana "disappeared" almost as soon as we got through the door. I saw her swipe a bottle of wine and then hurry up the stairs behind Morgause, and she didn't come down again until it was time for us to leave.

That left me with Arthur, who was in a terrible sullen mood. When they picked me up and Arthur was storming about and slamming doors, I questioned Morgana who replied only with a simple, "Uther."

Arthur led me to a corner of the room and said gruffly, "Stay here," and then moved into the kitchen without me. He returned a few minutes later, beers in hand, and clinked his bottle against mine saying, "To the weekened, Merls," and then downed his in only a few gulps.

After a while, Arthur was several drinks down and I had still been nursing the same beer Arthur got me the first time. His teammates kept coming up to him, but none of them stayed for long as Arthur kept telling them that he was going to clock the next person who tried to talk to him about football.

At one point he ran his hand across my chest and leaned in to whisper something in my ear.

"That sweatshirt looks like mine," he smirked. "Decided to keep it, did you?" His breath was hot on my neck, but smelled bitter and dry.

I don't know what I was thinking when I got dressed. I had worn Arthur's hoodie.

"Oh right," I had tried to explain. "Well—"

He didn't let me finish. "Looks good on you," he said into my ear, and then he let his head droop so his nose trailed along my neck and his lips landed on my collar bone.

"Should we go somewhere else?" I suggested.

Arthur grabbed my hand and walked us to a back room, a guest bedroom I thought, and then closed the door. He moved close to me again, and I felt my heart racing but all I could feel was the beer on his breath making its way across my skin.

I put my hands against his chest and shoved him gently away. Then I said something stupid, I guess.

"Is this just because of your fight with Uther?"

He pulled away so fast, going from sloppy and slow to red and fuming and stomping toward the door.

"You know what?" he yelled at me. "Fuck Uther. And fuck you." And then he slammed the door shut behind him leaving me alone in the room.

I stayed in that room for a while, nobody came and bothered me. Mostly, I think because nobody cared enough that I was in there. I only really knew Morgana and Arthur.

An hour later I ventured back out into the party, which wasn't as wild and loud, but was more of a sort of thumping drum beat in the dark while half the people were paired off and making out in corners.

And right in the corner by the guest room was Arthur, and Morgana's friend Gwen.

Love always,

Merlin


End file.
